Things I wish my kids knew

I wish my kids knew that I love spending time with them.
That they make me laugh everyday.
I miss them when they're gone.

I wish my kids knew that I stress about giving them what they want.
That I hate telling them I can't afford something.
I wish I could give them everything.

I wish my kids knew how much I really do.
That I spend my whole day running around so I don't have to when they're home.
I try to do it all.

I wish my kids knew that when they cry, I cry.
That when they're hearts are broken, my heart is broken.
I want to shield them from hurt.

I wish my kids knew that I lose sleep every night.
That I lay in bed thinking about everything that needs done, and how I'll get it done.
I would pay for a good nights sleep.

I wish my kids knew how much I worry about them.
That there is nothing they do that I don't worry about.
I wish we lived in a bubble.

I wish my kids knew how much I hide from them.
That I don't want them to worry about bills, or how we're going to afford groceries this week.
I don't want them to think about that stuff.

I wish my kids knew how much I love them.
That I've never known a love so strong and it grows every day.
I could not imagine my life without them.

What object explains you?

I am in college full time. At 37. It's definitely hard to do with kids in a job.

Public Service Announcement: Stay in school. It's much easier the first time.

I am doing an assignment for my presentation skills course. I have to write a 2-3 minute speech. For the speech I have to find an object that best describes me. What? Um, yeah, I don't even know. Object? I have spent 3 days thinking about it and have come up with nothing so far.

My mom said pick an easy chair. Not funny mom. There goes your Mother's Day present. Probably birthday too.

My teacher gave us an example. The lady picked a basketball. She said she was well rounded and had a tough exterior. I'm sure I'll get in trouble for stealing her idea.

I don't think pain in the ass is an actual object. Neither is stubborn, middle aged, bitch. Although I could try. I am good at describing who I am. I am a mother, sister, daughter, fiance, friend, cook, student, caregiver and mentor. How can I find an object that describes even half of that?

So I ask you. If you could find an object that described you, what would it be? Can you find an object that represents the very essence of what you are?

Wedding planning is a pain in the bouquet

Have you ever planned a wedding? Not a court house, $37 dollar, update your Facebook status to 'married' wedding - but like a REAL wedding. Now do that while going to school full time, working and raising 7 kids.

My typical day involves getting up at 6:00 am, getting 5 kids up and ready for school, and driving 3 of them to school. Then I come home, I still have one more to get off to school but he doesn't leave until lunch time. During the day I clean, take care of the dogs, do any running that needs done for the house, doc's appts, and do my homework. Evenings are work or home doing dinner, dishes and drama with the kids.

Where exactly am I supposed to find time to plan this damn wedding? And of course NO wedding planning book or app is exactly what I want. Maybe I should make a new one that fits what I want.

I want a book without all that extra crap I don't need. I want it to have places to write down exactly what I want. I need a payment plan section, not just a deposit-payoff area for vendors. I want enough guest list spots for my entire wedding, not just 25 of them. I don't need an entire section on a destination wedding, because I'm not having one. If I were, I would have bought that book.

While I'm bitching, I also want a good venue. One I can have my wedding and reception at and love both spaces. I live in the middle of No-town, Indiana. There are places to have the ceremony that I love. There are places to have the reception that I love. But there isn't a place I've found where I can have both. I'd like to have them in the same place. People tend to stay if they're in the same place and we can get to drinking immediately.

I think people who elope may just have the right idea. Get married on a beach, have a boy standing by with drinks ready.

Sorry Mom

Who knew raising an almost 16 year old girl would be this hard? If you ask me she's still 15. She says she's already 16. She still has 30 days before her birthday. It's a matter of perspective.

I don't think I'm that strict of a parent. My daughters are not allowed to date or be alone with boys until their 16. It's not a religious choice. More of a 'I don't want to be a grandma at 37' choice. I just want my girls to be old enough to be able to make better choices before I throw them to the wolves.

My daughter thinks this rule is "stupid' and she has chosen to not follow it. Thus my headache today. She went to the park with her sister, and SURPRISE her boyfriend was there. What a coincidence. Her sister got mad because she was being ignored and left. She stayed. So now because of her decision to act like a grown woman and decide to not follow the rules, she's grounded until her birthday. Hmm, don't think that went the way she wanted it to go. It wouldn't be such a strict grounding if this wasn't the 46389756 incidence similar to this that has happened in the past year or so. Drastic times, drastic measures.

I like to think I wasn't this defiant with my own mother. I am sure I probably was. I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry that I made you cry at night and wonder where you went wrong. Sorry I was such a brat. Sorry I didn't listen and know  you were just trying to take care of me. Sorry I made you want to smack me.

I understand now.

To the Lady formally known as Bruce Jenner

Ms Jenner,

Let me start by saying I am not a transgender American. Nor am I a member of the LGBT community. I am just a mom. A mom to a beautiful, courageous 13 year old bi-sexual daughter.

I have always been completely supportive of my daughter and her choices. In fact, I already knew before she told me. I have known that she was different from her sisters since she was 2. To be honest, I was waiting for the day she told me she was a lesbian. So being told she was bi-sexual was not what I expected, but not a surprise either. I love her more because she felt so secure with herself and my love for her, that she was able to tell me at 13. She knew that I would embrace her without question. I don't pretend to imagine how she feels or how it feels to be a LGBT teen in today's world. I pray that it is easier for her at school, than it was for others when I was in school. I only know the immense amount of pride I feel when I look at her. 

Thank you. Thank you for explaining yourself so eloquently during your interview with Diane Sawyer. You helped me to understand a bit more how my daughter and others must feel. To know you're different, but not know why. To know that you don't feel the way others think you should feel. And it's ok. In fact, it's more than ok.

I am very happy for you that you are finally able to live life the way you've always wanted to. I am grateful that my daughter does not have to live a life hiding her true self the way you did. It may not make a difference to you, but you have the support of my entire family.


With Love and Support
Erika

#brucejenner #supportbrucejenner